


Saudade

by dying_deist



Category: Muse
Genre: Disappointment, Drabble, Letters, M/M, Teen Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-02
Updated: 2014-07-02
Packaged: 2018-02-07 05:22:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 746
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1886604
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dying_deist/pseuds/dying_deist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>“You used to be my best mate”</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	Saudade

**Author's Note:**

> I don't own Muse, this is a work of fiction and never happened. No offence intended.
> 
> Based on true feelings. _‘Saudade’_ is a Portuguese word that has no direct translation in English. In a few words, it can be described as a _“melancholic nostalgia and longing for a dear person, place or thing that is far away from you.”_

 

_Dear Dominic,_

_I finally had the guts to tell you that I just can’t stand it anymore. You know what I’m talking about. This is not the first time I tell you how I feel and also it’s not the first time you practically ignore my feelings._

_Yeah, I feel just like that - ignored by you. You only hadn’t ‘formalized’ it yet, but I already realized you don’t want to be around me anymore._

_It does not matter how many times I try to talk to you about it, you always say you’ll change, that you’re sorry about it, but you never do anything to make it better! I just feel even more hurt! Okay, surely you stick around more often in the following days after I had talked to you, but when I close my eyes you’re gone again!_

_And yet I feel guilty for trying to control your feelings, to try making you like me again as much as you used to - or at least seemed to… It’s very selfish from my behalf, but I just can’t help it, okay? You’re not in my shoes to understand how disappointed and sad I am right now._

_I just wanted to know one single thing: why?_

_Whenever I ask you that question, you simply say that there’s nothing wrong, you’re just busy with school, etc, etc. But I know deep inside that there's something else… Or someone else._

_You don’t think I’d forgotten that Tom guy, do you? Since he joined our class you only pay attention to him. You forgot completely about me, Chris and Morgan… Funny, you used to say we were best friends and that our friendship would last forever. That’s shit for girls to say, you know?_

_I just can’t get why Thomas is so special to you. He must be very important to make you forget about your old, good friends._

_I feel my heart breaking everytime I spot you two chatting or when you play something cool to him in the music room, or even when he’s taking portraits of you. Are you two having a thing or what?! I never liked that guy very much and you know why…_

_He stole one of my assignments and you stood by HIS side! And you barely knew him back then! You must love him very much to turn against your own friends! I hope you two will be happy together._

_Just don’t talk to me anymore! I don’t want to look at your false face anymore. I don’t want to look into your false glistening eyes anymore. I don’t want to see your fake smile anymore._

_Do me a favour and disappear from my life. You only bring me pain. I’m becoming a hopeless person because of YOU! You’re the culprit for every bad thing in my life now. I don’t know how we used to be friends. How could I be friends with someone like YOU?!_

_FUCK YOU, DOM!_

***

 

Matthew shoved the pen aside and rested his head on his hands, sniffing quickly and trying to stop the tears from falling. But he couldn’t. Soon the last lines of the letter he was writing became wet, soaked by his tears.

 

He sobbed, rubbed his eyes and cried a lot more, but the tears just wouldn’t stop themselves from streaming down his red cheeks.

 

“I’m so stupid...” he said under his breath in a shaking voice. “So fucking stupid for having liked you so much. It’s so unfair...”

 

He took another pen from his case and blacked the aggressive paragraphs at the end of the letter. “I can’t give Dom this… He’ll think I’m a cunt. Well, he already must think that...” Matthew sighed and wiped off his eyes one last time before getting up from his chair and went to drink a glass of water downstairs.

 

“Why is it so hard to let you go, Dom? You used to be my best mate, I had thought it’d last more time...” the boy whispered as he walked towards the kitchen, stopping in the doorway just to control the urge to burst into tears again. “Grow up, Matt.” he took a deep breath and resumed walking.

 

After drinking some water he returned to his bedroom, staring thoughtfully to the piece of notebook paper on his desk. Approaching the furniture, he took the paper and read it one last time before throwing it into the bin.

 

He whispered, “It’d only cause more trouble.”

 

***


End file.
